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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793505">It's compromise that moves us along</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_XI/pseuds/Blue_XI'>Blue_XI</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TK and Carlos [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Family Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Putting in the effort, Tarlos Week (9-1-1 Lone Star), Therapy, Vulnerability</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:47:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_XI/pseuds/Blue_XI</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>TK learns more about himself, but especially about how he’s supposed to make it work with Carlos.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlos Reyes/TK Strand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TK and Carlos [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794460</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's compromise that moves us along</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_E_R6/gifts">R_E_R6</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Attention!<br/>This chapter depicts TK in a therapy session. Now, I am not a psychologist nor do I claim to be one, so any inacurracies os mistakes you see in this piece about what appears to be professional misguidance or malpractice are non-intentional; I used this scene as a means to an end so the character is forced to face himself and past mistakes and traumas so he has at least a starting point not to repeat them. So please don't come for me. Also, mentions of suicide attempts, drug abuse and depression. <br/>I took the liberty of inspiring myself on the work "The Marriage Tamales" by Bellakitse, because ever since I read it, I can only picture Carlos' family in that way. <br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">“<span>Do you think you’re ready to talk about it, TK?” Kwasa stared at him with those smart eyes of hers. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK always felt uncomfortable being in her presence too long. He always liked being the center of attention, like his dad, being the star of every group of friends he ever had. However, he never allowed them to get to know him entirely. TK liked the fantasy, the mystery. He’d make up stories about himself, develop fake interests and abilities to make himself more exotic. He would let them see the ball of energy, unstoppable Tyler. But never his lows. Drugs helped on that front. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>With Kwasa, however, more than any therapist TK has ever had, he felt like he couldn’t hide even if he wanted to. There was something about her, a magnificence, that made TK trust her but also fear her. He had the impression she was always ten steps ahead of him: always knew the choices he would make, the actions he would </span>
  <span>take</span>
  <span> and the mistakes he would commit before even he himself realized them. </span>
  <span>It unsettled him, because if she did; why wouldn’t she simply warn him? Tell him what to do and what not to do? Logically, he knew this was not how psychological treatment works; but, damn, he wished it was easier. TK liked (and was used to) quick fixes. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Maybe?” He offered with uncertainty. He wasn’t in the mood, was never in the mood to talk about his past; but his therapist had the ability to get it out of him despite of his will. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She let a smirk find it’s way to her lips and raise</span>
  <span>d</span>
  <span> an eyebrow at him. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>You say you’re over him and over what happened between you two. So if there are no feelings and no resentment, why do you still find it difficult to talk about Alex?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hey, hey! I am over him, okay? I am!” He replied </span><span>to her insinuation</span><span>. The one thing he didn’t need now was to start doubting himself if he either was or not over his ex. “It’s just… You know I have trouble talking. About anything. It’s not him in special”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>You have subjects you approach more frequently. Your dad, your work” She pointed. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, because that happens everyday! </span><span>It’s not like it’s a…”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK cut himself. He looked at the woman in front of him. She was damn good at her job, he had to give it to her. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>It’s not like it’s what, TK?” She threw at him. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>It´s not like it’s a big deal” He didn’t meet her eyes, because he knew she’d be proudly smiling. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Once again, she reached her goal; she put TK exactly where she wanted him: making conclusions about himself on his own. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>TK always ran from subjects which were really important, ignored them, pretended they don’t exist. </span>
  <span>She had to take him through twists and turns to make him lost in the matter until the very last second. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>So you and Alex were a big deal?” Kwasa had opened her notepad now, her pen running across paper. She also recorded their sessions in audio, TK didn’t really see the point of taking notes by hand.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Obviously” Tyler replied, annoyed. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>The AC kicked in. TK was extremely grateful for Kwasa’s </span>
  <span>office. Texas felt like hell in the worst days of heat waves, but at least places used to have air conditioning down there. In New York, if you couldn’t go to the beach, you were condemned to suffer locked in your apartment feeling the smell of urine evaporating from the streets. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>So you two were a big deal, now you’re not anymore. You’re not a little bit interested in knowing how things in your life progressed from one point to another?” She inquired.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>We both know how that happened. I asked him to marry me, he said no because he was in love with his spin instructor, had been fucking his brains out for weeks and I didn’t have a clue…”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Is it so?” The therapist crossed her legs. She was still staring directly </span><span>at</span><span> him. Like she was genuinely intrigued. Kwasa never looked distraught to TK. It was something from out of this world. He could bet he was one of her most boring patients – white kid brought up in Manhattan with successful parents that always had everything gets involved in drugs, how original. And yet she never looked bored. She either was a really good actress or a really great professional. TK couldn’t fake like this. Three minutes after he did the strictly necessary in a call, his mind would already be wandering somewhere else: what he’d </span><span>order</span><span> for dinner, which show he should watch on Netflix next, what new kin</span><span>k</span><span> he’d like to try with Carlos… </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah. What do you mean ‘Is it so’? It was what happened, I told you”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>You did. But I would like for you to do it again, if you don’t mind” She asked. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK knew she was cooking up something, but walked into her trap anyway. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Alex and I had been dating for two years. We met online, through a popular dating app…”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>You mean a hook-up app?” She observed. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK wasn’t in the mood. He was paying this woman how much again for her to sit there and read him for filth? He could get the same results by going to a drag bar and slipping a 5 dollar bill in some drag queen’s fake boobs. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Yes, a hook-up app. We fucked. We liked it. Then we fucked again and again. Eventually we started going out too. Grabbing a bite of something before or after sex. Meeting in places after work or after gym and walking home together. We started to talk. It wasn’t about just fucking anymore. We slowly fell into going out, then dating”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>And how long did it take between the first time you had sex and the fist time you realized you two were dating?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I don’t know. Two months?”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She took note of something. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>And during this time, were you exclusive with Alex?”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK blushed. He thought maybe Kwasa was trying to slut-shame him, but her voice had no leaning tone. So he didn’t know where she was getting at. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>No”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Do you think Alex was?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hell, no” He shook his head. Often when they were together, Alex’s phone would go off with notifications from the same hook-up app they met through. TK didn’t judge, his profile was still active too. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Okay, so two months in you realize you two are dating. Then what?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Then it was the usual stuff, you know? You talk about them with your friends and family here and there; everyone gets curious about this new boyfriend, you introduce them… </span><span>Everybody gets to know you’re now dating. You start going to places together, making plans together”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Kwasa kept taking notes. The sound of the pen sliding on the paper was annoying TK, making him feel like he was failing at a test. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>When the woman realized her client wasn’t speaking up again, she induced him:</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Please go on”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I’m sorry, it’s just… The sound of the pen. It makes me feel weird”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>The woman stopped writing for a second. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>How so?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>It makes me feel like I’m </span><span>taking</span><span> a test, a school exam or something” </span></p><p class="western">“<span>And you’re afraid you’ll fail?” She leaned slightly in his direction on her chair. When the man didn’t answer, but </span><span>deflected her gaze, she added: “There is no right or wrong here, TK. I hope you know this by now. There are the laws, which determine the extremes were allowed to go or not, and even those change with the times; but everything in between in life is a huge gray area. We have to find it in us to define our actions as we see fit, or not. I’m not judging you. You know I don’t do that. I’m taking notes so I can better understand what you’ve been through and how that made you the man you are today. To assume otherwise wouldn’t maybe mean that your discomfort comes from somewhere else?” </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She looked at him expectantly. TK had gotten better lately at following her train of thought, of following her suggestions and making his own conclusions. It was fundamental for his treatment that he did so. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Like what? Like I feel guilty about it or something?” He snorted, mocking. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She didn’t reply, just stared right at him. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>That’s insane. I don’t feel guilty! Alex fucked up, okay? It was his fault we didn’t work out. It was his fault I -” He didn’t dare to continue, he had to fight the tears forming. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>You were explaining to me how you start to make plans with someone when you’re dating” She diverged the subject. They’d circle back to it, oh, they would. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>It’s what everyone does, </span><span>isn’t it? We went to concerts, restaurants, parties, clubs… My friends were his friends and his friends were my friends” </span><span>TK shook his head, cleared the tears that threatened to fall and took a breath to respond to her in a moment.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>So </span><span>with the exception of not living together,</span><span> you didn’t have parts of your life that you kept to yourself? You didn’t have a time or a place where you could just say ‘This is TK, not TK and Alex’?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>No, not really. But this is the way it happens, isn’t it?” TK asked with a lot more uncertainty on his voice this time. Had he been doing dating wrong all this time?</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Why didn’t you two ever moved in together?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>He… Well, we kept putting it out for later and later. When I brought it up, we were already close to when it all ended; he must’ve been with the other guy already. So he said no” TK felt embarrassed and let it show. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>And you didn’t have someone to rely on, just you? Someone who wouldn’t feel weird about positioning themselves and counseling you if you complained about Alex’s pet peeves, for example?” </span><span>Kwasa smartly positioned. Of course she knew the answer to this, but she had to make her patient say it, to make him realize it. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Well, I guess there was my dad…”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Of course” Kwasa smiled at him in a condescending way TK didn’t like. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She was taking </span>
  <span>copious</span>
  <span> notes in her notepad again. For a second, TK got curious to what might be it that she had to write so much about him. Should he find a way to see it?</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>He realized she was waiting for something: for him to go on with his story.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>And that was it, I guess. We were together for two years, I loved him and he cheated on me. The end” He closed it in faint hope that she’d drop the subject. He knew he wouldn’t have such luck. He looked at his watch. They still had half an hour in their session. Fuck. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>You mentioned social events you both attended to as a couple. In the last few months, did you two attend to them in the same frequency </span><span>as </span><span>you did before?” </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Of course not, but it is only natural a couple falls into a new routine just between the two of them after some time of relationship, don’t you think?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>If you say so, I believe you. But why do you think it was that?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>That we didn’t go out as much? Because I am a firefighter, sometimes I pulled 48-hour shifts or back-to-back 24-hour shifts all week long. I always would cover for people who couldn’t come in, </span><span>it’s a deal I have with my dad</span><span>. There were and still are a lot of days in which I just want to lay in my bed and disappear from the face of the Earth”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Didn’t Alex use to reschedule or cancel on things you guys planned?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Now that you’ve come to say, no. He had a pretty flexible job. His work hours were almost European, a l</span><span>ot of stuff he did from home” TK complemented, absorbed in his memories. Kwasa took note of everything.</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>T</span>
  <span>K couldn’t understand what the hell was so appealing to her in all this.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Let’s change the subject a little bit. I want to talk to you about the substances you used to take” TK winced at this. He didn’t like to talk about it, liked to pretend it never happened. He started to absentmindedly scratch the skin on the inside of his wrist. “I did a little research and found some interesting facts. </span><span>Although there is, indeed, systemic drug use in the LGBTQ+ community for several scientifically proven reasons, among gay men it’s more usual to find individuals with addiction problems related to the so called ‘uppers’. But you probably know this already” She stated at him. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK nodded. He didn’t want to elaborate. Even though he knew she’d make him. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>But you overdosed on oxy, which fits in ‘downers’. Do you have any idea as to why you might’ve felt more personally drawn to them?” She was waiting, her pen ready at the paper. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hm… I don’t know. It was what was easier to find, I guess”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She smiled at him, trying to soothe him in some way, relax him. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>In the same places you could find oxy, you could find cocaine and meth, TK. But you chose pills. You chose to go downtown” She affirmed with such conviction it almost made TK feel outraged, if he wasn’t deeply embarrassed he might’ve lashed out at her for making assumptions about him. “Come on, I could download Grindr right now and I’m pretty sure I’d be able to find someone selling at least one of those two in a 200 feet radius. Am I wrong?”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK waved his head. She knew about people using gay apps to sell drugs. Maybe she was a little bit too much invested in his case. This information was not supposed to leave the LGBTQ+ community. However, it was indeed a fact that it was becoming more and more common to find straight people on Grindr and other apps looking for drugs. Austin seemed a little bit more chill than New York, his NA buddies were more into mushrooms, weed, hallucinogenics in general. Austin was also a smaller town. New York never stopped, never slept. If you were into it, you could take something to be always on 100 and you’d always have something to do, some party to attend to. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>I didn’t really chose to get addicted to pills. My first boyfriend liked them and introduced me to them. It took off from there”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Oh yeah, the older guy you dated without your father knowing…” She trailed off. Something in her voice was off, though, like she was insinuating something.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, I was 15. I couldn’t buy it by myself, wouldn’t even know where to, then”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>So you eventually overdosed, your parents found out about your addiction… How much time after that?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Two years. I was 17 when I overdosed and my dad found me in my room”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Were you still with that same man that introduced you to drugs when you were 15?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>No. We broke up… Well, </span><span>I just didn’t want to be with him anymore, so we just lost contact over time. </span><span>Why?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>So after you called if off </span><span>and</span><span> you still had access to those substances. How?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>As it turns out, high school is quite a fertile soil for drug use. I started to look around for stoners and shady people. Eventually I found new dealers”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>So you were 16, had a lot of money to waste, </span><span>had met new people to do it with</span><span> and easy access to all kinds of drugs. Still, you went for pills again?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah… I mean, I tried around some stuff with my friends. Did a lot of weed when we were together, you know, it was almost a social rule. Tried cocaine, acid, meth… All of it. </span><span>Did heroine a couple of times and liked it a lot, but the way it’d put me out of commission for days after wasn’t good. Missing an entire week of class, not showing up in neither of my parent’s houses, the marks on the arms were to on the nose. </span><span>I did it because someone else was doing it, but if I was on my own; pills were always involved”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>How frequently did you use them?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>God, it’s easier to ask me when I wasn’t high… Those two years come to me as a distant dream sometimes. In school, at home, out with my friends. I was always, in every opportunity I had, high”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>And how did you manage to maintain your addiction? It seems like an expensive activity for a teenage boy who had no income”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Ah, you know, I’d take cash from my mom’s bank account or my dad’s wallet…”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>They never realized you were taking money from them?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Nah, mom has too much money, she never really cares to check how much. Dad is a little more tricky though, but he’s always had a forgetfulness that worked in my favor. I’d slip two hundred bucks from his wallet and he’d just assume he paid some bill and forgot about it”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>And although you say you were high all the time, neither of them realized it in that two-year window?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I don’t think so, no. They were never around much, anyways. If they did, they never said anything” TK affirmed, not connecting the dots of how much worse the situation was if his theory was true. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>I</span>
  <span>t got </span>
  <span>Kwasa</span>
  <span> thoughtful for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Do you mind if I change the subject, TK?” Kwasa realized TK seemed more calm now. To start talking about his issues was TK’s problem. Once he did, he felt better about it. But he was thickheaded and would never </span><span>let go of his ways easily.</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Kwasa considered calling it a day for the moment. But she was not sure TK would go home and actually do some reflecting the way she wanted him to if they stopped now. She knew the conversation was emotionally heavy and there was too much to process and unveil. However, this was the first session when she really got to corner TK, make him face himself, his actions and choices. She feared she wouldn’t get other chance so soon. Besides, she was also proud of finally be reaching a breakthrough with this kid. More than eight months to do so! Finally!</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Uh-uh” He shook his head from side to side. He was slowed down, alright. If she hadn’t kept her eyes on him the entire time, she could assume he had taken something. It was just the emotional draining </span><span>of the process</span><span>. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>I wanna talk about Alex again, if you don’t mind”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Sure” </span></p><p class="western">“<span>You said your dad never put much faith in him. That when you told him you were gonna ask Alex to marry you, he replied by saying that you two should live together first”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>He did”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>So, your dad was your confidant about your relationship. You told him several details no one else knew. When he showed you that he saw your relationship with </span><span>your boyfriend </span><span>with</span> <span>mistrust, you didn’t listen to him”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK didn’t say anything. He didn’t have words to reply, she was right and he couldn’t avoid it. They stayed quiet for a minute, but just before it got too weird, the therapist continued:</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>As I see it now, you and Alex were not spending a lot of time together around the time when you proposed, were you?” TK understood a rhetorical question when he saw one. “You didn’t live together, you weren’t going out as much. You worked a lot and Alex didn’t”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, but we still did a lot of stuff together. We watched movies, we asked take-out to eat together, we enjoyed each other’s company”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>And how was you sexual life leading up to the break up?” Kwasa had this way of looking so neutral, impartial, non-judgmental when she asked private questions that annoyed TK as much as it would do if she was the complete opposite. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>We… Had our moments. We weren’t doing a lot of stuff, I was busy a lot and when I wasn’t, I was tired, as I said”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I see…” She took a final note and closed her notepad. TK got alarmed, looked at his clock, but they still had 10 minutes on their session. “Had this ever happened to you before?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Being cheated on? I don’t think so…”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>No, TK. You losing interest in the other person”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>What? I didn’t”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>You abandoned Alex, TK. Way before he cheated on you. Don’t you see that? You wouldn’t spend time with him, you wouldn’t </span><span>show</span><span> him your affection, you wouldn’t even touch him sexually. Were you honestly surprised when he started pulling away from you too?” She faced him without fear. </span><span>Reckoning was upon them</span><span>. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>T</span>
  <span>K looked at her shocked. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>The big problem comes when Alex starts pulling back from you too. You’re never had that. You’re always the first one to leave so you’re not the one left behind. Like you did to your first boyfriend. And to all </span><span>your</span><span> boyfriends after that. Like your dad did to your mom” TK could somewhat see what must’ve been pity in her eyes, but not really, because his own were clouded with tears threatening to fall. He wanted to respond, say something, scream at her that it wasn’t true, that she had no idea what she was talking about. But he couldn’t. His voice was dead in his throat and he was frozen on the spot, couldn’t move. “So </span><span>you </span><span>couldn</span><span>’t give Alex what he need</span><span>ed</span><span>. Because you are depressed. You are, TK. You have been for a long time. Ever since your parents left you to fend for yourself when you were a teenager and you were deprived of having their love then, </span><span>ever since your dad became a stranger when you were little</span><span>.</span> <span>And </span><span>when Alex start</span><span>s</span><span> walking away on you too, you freaked out and wanted to bring him back to your orbit at any cost, </span><span>hence the marriage proposal in a relationship you logically knew didn’t exist anymore</span><span>”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>You never asked if Alex wanted to be your boyfriend. You just assumed he did. And jumped right in, tangled your lives together in a way you knew you wouldn’t be able to untangle if anything went wrong. When it came </span><span>the</span><span> time for you to put you feet down, to put in the work to make the relationship happen, you chose not to. You chose not to press Alex to live together. You chose to let him drift apart, because it was easier. Because you were already bored. You couldn’t show affection and interest in him because there was none anymore. It started as something physical, you made it into more than it was and it lost the appeal to you fast, but you were already in too deep with Alex to back down. He was already your ‘boyfriend’. You mistook sex </span><span>for</span><span> love because you don’t know how to respect you body, because you started your sex life too early with a person who just wanted to take advantage of you and because your parents never taught you”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Stop, please” TK couldn’t stop sobbing. He pulled his legs into his chest and was rocking himself back and forth. It broke Kwasa’s heart, but she had to go on, just a little bit more. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>I can’t stop, TK. I can’t stop because unless we learn from our mistakes, we are condemned to keep repeating them. And you can’t learn from a mistake you don’t know is a mistake. You started a new relationship based on sex again. Don’t you see a pattern here? Listen, I know this is hard to </span><span>hear</span><span>, but I believe you knew the dose of oxy you were taking that night was too much for you. I believed this wasn’t the first time you attempted suicide, was it?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>No” The man replied with a small voice because, yeah, there was no keeping this secret anymore. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>You are depressed, TK. You need treatment. So you can learn to love yourself again and to enjoy life. While you don’t, you’re at constant risk of putting yourself in harm’s way again” </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She came to sit by his side at the sofa and hugged him. He hid his face in her shoulder for a minute, crying. She soothed him through it. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>I’m gonna prescribe you some medications. An anti-depressant and a mood-stabilizer. You’re gonna take them every day, first thing in the morning and in the next session you’ll tell me how it feels, ok?” She pulled her prescription pad and started scribbling it. “I want you to go home and think about the things we talked about here today, TK. I want you to think about them and next week tell me if you disagree with something. But most of all, I don’t want to see you set yourself up to get hurt again. Or to hurt someone else”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She stayed with him until he stopped crying, dried his tears and calmed down. As she handed him his prescription, their session was coming to an end and the man left her office feeling like stepping on clouds. Like he wasn’t really here, this was a matrix, it had to be. He didn’t remember getting home that day. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p class="western">—<span>§—</span></p><p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p class="western"><span>Two days later, TK still has his head full of thoughts. Ever since his last therapy session, he had been tracing parallels in his story, trying to understand the connections his therapist had made and so far everything matched, he was sorry to say. It wasn’t like she knew more about him than himself, but just that she wasn’t afraid of calling him out on his bullshit. He was afraid of facing his truths, he locked them away in boxes and kept them hidden; so it was natural he didn’t know their extent. Now, he was obliged </span><span>to</span> <span>acknowledge </span><span>them. </span></p><p class="western">He had even been drawing a little timeline of how facts connected, as Kwasa pointed out, like his depressive state throughout childhood and teenage-hood. His desperation in losing his virginity. Milestones in his past relationships. His addiction. She was right, there was a reason TK liked downers and he never admitted that before. He liked most of all the feeling of numbness, almost like he was dead. TK was suicidal. That was the hardest fact for him to accept.</p><p class="western">Then, he came around to his responsibilities in the events with Alex. They were both grown men. Of course both of them had their share of failures. It was childish from TK to be all this time putting the blame from their break up on Alex. Once again, Kwasa had been right. Alex fucked up in the end, but it was TK’s actions that led Alex to commit the mistakes he made. If TK had compromised and put in the effort, maybe Alex would never had felt compelled to look for comfort in the arms of another man.</p><p class="western">Which brought him back to here and now. Carlos. He was with an awesome man now. Someone who respected him, cared for him. Loved him. TK loved him too, he couldn’t deny. In the midst of this hurricane his mind was going through, surprisingly it was the one thing he didn’t have any doubts about, even though he was questioning any other choice he had ever made. That’s why it was so important to him to identify and understand what he had been doing wrong, and why. Fix it, so he wouldn’t do it to Carlos. His boyfriend didn’t deserve it. This one more than anyone else. It’d kill TK to know he was the one who broke Carlos’ heart [again].</p><p class="western">He took a detour from riding home with his dad that day, needing to think. He went to a park and walked around. Sited by the lake and watched people. Ate an ice cream. It was already darkening when he finally convinced himself it was time to go home.</p><p class="western">
  <span>When he arrived, he considered turning around and never coming back. Carlos’ Camaro was parked in the driveway and TK </span>
  <span>just then realized he hadn’t texted his boyfriend in two days. Fuck his life. What was he supposed to say? That he was in early mid-life crisis?</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>TK walked in the house the most silently he could manage. He threw his shoes off as he went, but came back and placed them by the door because if Carlos saw the mess he’d be </span>
  <span>disappointed. TK hated to see the face Carlos made when he was disappointed. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Buttercup gave him up. As soon as his presence was felt in the household, the dog found its way to him and started barking and licking him happily. </span>
  <span>It didn’t take long for his dad to show up on the kitchen doorstep. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Hey, son. We were getting concerned” Said Owen. He was wearing an old t-shirt and gray sweatpants. He looked ready to eat dinner and go to sleep. Which, considering the good smell coming from the kitchen…</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hi, cielo” Carlos showed up behind his dad. </span><span>His cheeks flushed, almost like he got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Which was fine, he liked his dad and his boyfriend spending time together. It was just… There was some tension between them at the moment because of TK’s absence and it felt weird. He wondered if he should set boundaries like Kwasa mentioned. Probably wouldn’t work, his dad wouldn’t respect them.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hey there” He replied, embarrassed. They caught him off guard, he was preparing himself to pretend to soothe Buttercup so he could avoid the confrontation for just a little bit. </span><span>His house of cards came crumbling down before he could set it. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>He walked into the kitchen, unsure. Carlos’ phone was connected to one of their speakers, playing urban latin music in the background. He never saw his dad listening to stuff like this, but here he was – and apparently enjoying it too, he wasn’t faking.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>So…</span><span> Have I missed dinner?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>No, you didn’t. It’s almost ready, though” Carlos replied, a soft smile on his lips. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Sweet Lord, this man didn’t look pissed; wasn’t complaining at being ghosted; wasn’t going at TK’s throat… TK held back the sudden need he felt to cry. He didn’t deserve this man. He did absolutely nothing in his life to deserve this man. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Good, do you need help?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>All I need from you is that you sit there and look pretty as you always do” Carlos replies, pulling his boyfriend in to leave a chaste kiss on his lips. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>He knows best than to let us mess with his family’s recipes” Owen laughs. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK does as he’s told and sits across his father on the kitchen island.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>So, where have you been, kid?” It is Owen who asks, but TK knows this is something both men have been thinking about. Maybe even talking about before TK got home too. His absent mood in the last few days didn’t pass straight through his father’s senses and he knew it. Worst yet, if it was his dad asking this question, TK couldn’t deflect it. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Went for a walk after shift. Ended up on that park </span><span>by Town Lake” </span></p><p class="western">“<span>That’s a little far out of your regular path, TK” Owen observes, because, of course he does. Carlos doesn’t express a reaction, pretends he’s focused on his cooking, but is clearly interested in hearing about this. “You’ve been off for a couple days, introspective. What has gotten into you?”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK takes a deep breath, knowing this was coming, and:</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>My last session with Kwasa got a little… Intense. I said some things, she said a lot more… She came to a diagnosis, I think” TK bit the inside of his lower lip, his fingers fidgeting with each other. His gaze wouldn’t meet his dad’s. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>That’s great, son! </span><span>You’ve been working for ages towards it, no other therapist you’ve seen before could do it” Owen was trying to keep his voice hopeful and optimistic, which to TK sounded even worse: pitiful. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, maybe it has to do with the fact that I never stayed this long in therapy before”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>What do you mean? </span><span>T</span><span>hat time when you were 17 right after -” Owen cut himself because he didn’t know how much his son had opened to his new boyfriend, but also with disbelief in his voice.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Nope. Didn’t come through that time either. Dropped after a couple months” TK shrugged as in meaning to say ‘sorry’. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>But I paid for that for years… What did you do with that money?” His dad’s tone changed and he didn’t seem to care that there were third parties within ear shot.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Oh, you don’t wanna know the answer to that…” TK trailed off, deeply embarrassed. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>You’re unbelievable” Owen threw his hands up in the air and jumped from his seat. He was pissed. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carlos move closer discreetly, ready to intervene if necessary. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Hey! What matters is that I’m clean now, okay? And actually trying to solve my shit, so can you please chill?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>What? No, I’ll chill when I want to chill, this </span><span>is </span><span>new and I have the right to be -”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Owen” Carlos simply said, his voice low reverberating from deep within his chest. His eyes were set on his father-in-law, soft, understanding; although his entire body language gave the impression that he was a cheetah about to strike: chest puffed, </span><span>big </span><span>arms on display, jaw clenched. Maybe he was crossing a line, probably was, but with so much intimacy between them, this was bound to happen sooner or later.</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Picking his battles, in a strange out of character move for him, Owen silenced, took a breath and sit back down. Was his dad… Submitting to Carlos?</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>They sat there in a tense silence for a few minutes.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>So… TK. You said your therapist reached a diagnosis. You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’d like to hear about it” Carlos interjected. He doubted he was going for the right plunge to engage them on conversation again, but he was just too damn curious about this. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Well, among several other things she called me out for, she came to the conclusion I’m depressed. And suicidal. She prescribed me some meds but I haven’t built up the courage to buy them yet”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Why not?” Owen beats Carlos to it. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>I read all about these collateral effects they have and was wondering if there was a less aggressive way to proceed”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Are you fucking kidding me right now? I-” Owen starts, but before he can fall into a rant, a really pointed look from Carlos shuts him up. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>I was gonna bring it up with her next week!” TK defends himself, his whole body in a defensive position. Carlos recognizes this body language. If they keep pushing, he’ll shut down soon. He’s already too emotionally vulnerable. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Corazón, don’t you think that, if she prescribed them, it’s because you need them right now?” Carlos’ left hand comes to soothe TK’s back in slow, circular movements. He feels his boyfriend relax into his touch. “If your dad’s doctor changed his medication today and he decided to wait and reflect upon the collateral effects, you’d be happy with it?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Of course not, but his situation is completely different!” TK said, exasperated.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Why? Because his disease is physical?” Carlos shuts down the heat on the cook-top comes around the table, catches TK’s face between his hands and softly makes TK stare deep into his brown eyes. “Listen, mi amor, we have a stigma in this country that mental illness is a defect, is something for weak people. No! To battle with mental illness doesn’t mean you’re weaker by any means, if anything, you’re the stronger of all of us here. </span><span>We know you, we know you’ve been struggling, but you don’t need to keep struggling like that because it’s all you’ve ever known. You deserve to be well, you deserve to healthy, TK. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to at least try?”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK’s lip trembles and he swings free from his boyfriend’s hold just in time to wipe his face of the first tears falling down. Carlos let go of him and nods at Owen. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>He’s right, son. You don’t need to live like this. You can be well, you deserve to be. We both do”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>They all keep silent, listening to TK try to recompose himself and stop sobbing, while Carlos gets back at the finishing touches on their food. They decide to give him somewhat of a moment of privacy and when TK gets a hold of himself, Carlos has the table set already.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>You ok?” Carlos runs his fingers through TK’s hair and the man keens into his touch.</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK nods. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>I tell you what, I’ll sleep over tonight and tomorrow, first thing in the morning, we’ll run down to the drug store and we’ll buy those meds so you can start your treatment </span><span>right away</span><span>. What do you think?”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK nods again, speechless.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah” TK responds in a broken voice, one straw away from breaking into tears again. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos hugs him and lets his boyfriend hide his face in his chest. TK hates crying in front of people, hates how it makes him feel weak and pathetic. Especially in front of people he should be a rock, a role model, for like his dad. Or in front of people he should be stable for, like his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Come on, the food will get cold” Carlos threads their fingers and pulls TK along with him to the dinner table. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>He sets TK’s plate just with the right amount of everything TK likes and should eat in even proportions with care, making Owen’s watchful eye almost melt in delight. Carlos melts all three of them – Gwyneth too – more often than not. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>TK tries to hide the face he makes when he sees the healthy organic weird salad items he doesn’t like, like </span>
  <span>turnips. But he doesn’t argue, dives in silently. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>They eat quietly, with eventual “ahs” of wonder when both Strands taste the first few shares of it, complimenting and thanking Carlos for his divine hands. Owen jokes that if Carlos wasn’t so creative in making healthy foods delicious, this relationship would probably inflate him like a balloon. This lightens the mood for them to finish their meal listening to music with words they didn’t understand and enjoying being in the presence of people who loved them. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>When they’re done, TK has to fight Carlos to let him do the dishes, saying it’s not fair that he had to cook and also clean up in someone else’s house. Owen opens his mouth to speak but gets shut down by his son immediately saying that he’s too old to be doing house chores. For once, Owen doesn’t take the bait for teasing and lets the provocation turn against TK as he agrees and goes away to brush his teeth. TK almost gets pissed at falling flat on his face with this one, but then Carlos follow him into the kitchen and says he’ll dry as TK scrubs. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>While TK starts filling the sink with water and soap, Carlos wraps his arms around him from behind, presses his bulge in TK’s ass and kisses TK’s neck in that way he knows makes his boyfriend’s knees go weak. It has the desired effect, as expected. Carlos will not go too far in a place where he knows Owen can see them, but he sure enjoys the first moment they’re alone in the night. </span>
  <span>Somewhere along the way, the music stopped playing in the background.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>I was worried, you know?” Carlos breathes into the skin behind TK’s right ear, making the poor man’s body erupt in goosebumps. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah… I’m sorry for that” </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Talk to me, tonto. I need you to know you can talk to me, whatever it is. I’m here for you”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I know, I know! I’m sorry, I was being just paranoid me, thinking not sharing this with anyone was a good idea”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Your dad and I were going crazy over here. Look at how much misunderstanding we could have avoided. Promise you won’t do it again?” Carlos rolls TK around in his arms so they can face each other.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I’ll try my best”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>It’s all I could ever ask for” Carlos smiles at him while dives in for a kiss. TK smiles back and is more than content to indulge. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Their </span>
  <span>tender moment goes south and turns into a make out session fast, as it tends to do with them two. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Owen, pretending he hasn’t climbed down the stairs yet and that he wasn’t listening behind the wall, steps hard on the stairs’ steps to make his entrance known. Not that he’d actually mind to catch them in the heat of it, but he was a man of a certain age and he deemed he was over the phase when it was acceptable he’d gets eye-fulls of his son’s sexual life every other week. Besides, he knew it’d deeply embarrass his future son-in-law (fingers crossed for this one).</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos bolts apart, because of course he does, and does his best to pull down his shirt over his growing erection. It only makes it more evident to Owen, who is surprised just by how much Carlos is packing – and not in full potential yet – and how well his son is served. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Why has the music stopped?” He inquires in his most innocent voice. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos steps forward and scrambles with his phone to put on more latin music. He had to educate these white people. TK grins at his dad and shakes his head in disbelief, knowing exactly what his dad has been doing. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>TK starts actually doing the dishes and after a moment Carlos comes to his side with a </span>
  <span>dishrag</span>
  <span>, ready to </span>
  <span>dry them as he said he would. TK takes note that Carlos always follow through with his word, no matter the extent of the consequences. As the electronic beats echo through their kitchen, TK realizes all the tension from the previous two days seemed to have been bled out of his system. He feels like himself again. He feels like he’s gonna be alright. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>So… TK, I was thinking of going to my mother’s house this </span><span>S</span><span>unday. I told you she always turns any </span><span>S</span><span>unday lunch into a barbecue and an opportunity for </span><span>a </span><span>family reunion” Carlos </span><span>speaks up</span><span> and it t</span><span>akes</span><span> him a couple of seconds to understand, so, </span><span>he </span><span>loo</span><span>ks</span><span> like a deer caught in the headlights.</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Owen threw him a funny look like he knew </span>
  <span>this was coming</span>
  <span>. Both men were staring at him, waiting for a response and he did try, but couldn’t avoid turning red as a tomato under their gaze. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Okay…” He didn’t know what the subject was, so he just went along on instinct. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>I was thinking… Maybe… You’d like to accompany me?”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Owen acted like he was watching a tennis play, eyes on the ball being tossed from one side of the court to the other. TK’s eyes went wide. His first reaction was to feel pissed, which… For some reason he felt like he was entitled to. TK’s face was scorching hot, red everywhere, trying to hide from his dad’s and his boyfriend’s gaze. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>And of course Carlos knew this would happen. He knew it wasn’t fair on TK to ask such thing while there were other people – especially Owen, from all people – present in the room. </span>
  <span>Or after the emotional roller coaster TK had had that day.</span>
  <span> It was a big step, more or less, and they both agreed on keeping their relationship light and easy. They were “getting to know each other” for a couple of months now and amid the emotional roller coaster that seemed to be TK’s life, to which pace Carlos had to follow along and accept rather quickly, it felt for Carlos that all the work was on him. </span>
  <span>He was only human, he deserved having things for himself too. TK had been avoiding this for months and his family was a huge part of his life and to keep his love life separate from his family was an effort he couldn’t hold anymore.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>This Sunday?” TK asks while Owen badly acts as if he’s not totally focused on them, pretending to read something on his phone. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah. Or, you know, maybe the next…” Carlos made that disappointed face that breaks TK heart every time and the firefighter realizes he can’t dodge this bullet anymore. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>F</span>
  <span>or some reason, in that moment, Kwasa’s words echo through his mind: ‘</span>
  <span>When it came </span>
  <span>the</span>
  <span> time for you to put you feet down, to put in the work to make the relationship happen, you chose not to’. </span>
  <span>He decides not to make the same mistakes. This time around he’s gonna do it right. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Okay, we’ll be there”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Really?” Carlos asks, surprised. He was ready for a little more convincing. Maybe thoroughly eating TK out later to make himself more persuasive. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be great. I’ve been looking forward to meeting your family too” TK smiles at him with that pure sincerity that makes Carlos’ heart inflate with love. “God knows I need a break from this one” He shoots at his dad just to tease and it makes all three of them laugh.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Alright, alright, I guess that’s my cue to go before I really make the decision to pass </span><span>his guard to you, Carlos” Owen jokes back, but Carlos doesn’t understand it is an inside joke between them – Owen sometimes jokes he’ll pass TK’s guard back to his mom – and promptly responds:</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I’d gladly take him in” The Officer smiles. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, I know you would. Good night, boys” Owen gets up and disappears. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK listens to his father climb the stairs before he speaks again. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>You know, one of the side effects of that medication is that it could affect my libido…” </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos doesn’t take the bait, instead putting his hands again on his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>You’re not getting off the hook that easily, firefighter Strand” He says and grabs TK’s earlobe between his teeth. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK’s carefree laugh echoes through the house and Buttercup barks excitingly in response.</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p class="western">—<span>§—</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK wakes up less likely to avoid going to the drug store. Owen has to come in early to the fire-station, but makes them breakfast nonetheless and TK almost has a heart attack with the domesticity of his dad and his boyfriend both with bed hair in the middle of his kitchen making fresh orange juice for him at 6:30 AM. Owen doesn’t like to spoil his son because he knows TK gets used to it easily, but he can’t resist Carlos’ excited (and in love) look when he walks into their kitchen only in sweats to make breakfast for his son. He can’t remember a single boyfriend of TK’s who did </span>
  <span>that.</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>After his dad leaves, TK and Carlos head to the shower where TK sucks Carlos dry twice just to start the day with the right foot; Carlos wears his boyfriend’s clothes because he didn’t bring any to stay the night and they’re off. TK regrets not having a drawer </span>
  <span>for Carlos in his closet, because his boyfriend is bigger and puffier than him and TK’s clothes stick to Carlos like a second skin. He’s not even worried about </span>
  <span>losing </span>
  <span>his shirts, </span>
  <span>but about all the people who can’t seem to take their eyes away. And Carlos doesn’t even realize. TK was never the jealous, territorial type, but he gets pissed anyway. Only then it hits him that they spend most of their time in Carlos’ place – ok, Carlos lives alone and they have the excuse of privacy – but TK owns almost half of Carlos’ closet space already while in his truly own house, Carlos doesn’t even have clothes to sleep in if needed be. </span>
</p><p class="western">‘<span>Compromise, TK’ he thinks to himself as he decides he’ll come back home after this and clear space for Carlos’ stuff in their house. God knows his dad won’t oppose to it, damn, if TK announced today that Carlos was moving in his dad would probably roll over and offer his belly. The only part that might not feel as satisfied is Buttercup, but that’s just because he doesn’t like to share TK’s attention. And anyways, if his mom got wind of TK and Carlos moving in together officially, they’d be in for a several parties: engagement party, bridal shower, marriage </span><span>cerimony</span><span>, baby shower; in this exact order and in a span of two months, because that’s the kind of person Gwyneth was. </span><span>She’d get carried away and would buy them a house and at least three cars as well. </span><span>She’d plan every single detail and wouldn’t let them have a say in it, as she usually does, but would also </span><span>throw a party for herself to commemorate her son getting married to Officer Reyes. TK thought at this point his mom must love more his boyfriend than himself. Which honestly only made him hope for this relationship keep going wonderfully because he wouldn’t like to deal with the disappointment in her eyes again. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>They walk into the drug store and Carlos stands right by his side as if he was his bodyguard or keeper and this annoys TK a little, but he chooses not to say anything because, given his history, he can deal with being supervised. His dad has been doing it ever since he arrived in Austin, but he feels like Carlos is going to be even more strict.</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos gets a bottle of water and makes TK swallow the pills in the middle of the drug store as instructed in the prescription. </span>
  <span>He leaves TK at home again because he has a shift at noon, but Carlos tells his boyfriend to call if he feels or needs anything. TK doesn’t go back to sleep like he wished he would. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>The first things TK notices right in the few hours after taking his pills is that he gets in a haze where the simple idea of being sad sounds funny to him. He also loses his need to sleep in the afternoon, which he always has and always indulges if he can – </span>
  <span>his dad says he’s like a baby, will nap several times in the day if he can</span>
  <span>. He gets pumped and can’t sit still, so he ends up cleaning the house from top to bottom – including his father’s bedroom. He cooks – lunch and dinner – and gives Buttercup a bath. When his dad comes back from work, he doesn’t say anything, but has this weird watchful look on him: every time TK turns, his dad is observing him. </span>
  <span>He texts Carlos updates about how he’s feeling every hour – and doesn’t even feel annoyed by it. As soon as he hits his bed, he passes away from this world and has a deep, dreamless and truly reinvigorating sleep like he didn’t have in God knows how long.</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Two days later, he feels ok</span>
  <span>ay</span>
  <span>. Better than okay, maybe. He has been taking his pills religiously and at certain point he even laughs at himself for not being allowed to pop some kinds of pills, but depending on others. </span>
  <span>TK feels less sad and less inclined to cry, but also less inclined to be vulnerable. His patience also hits a rock bottom and in every call, as long as he does what is needed from him, he’s outta there. Oh, and the cocky know-it-all-new-yorker-millen</span>
  <span>n</span>
  <span>ial attitude also comes back, which he uses to tease his boyfriend on a couple of scenes they cross paths. He can feel how he drives Carlos up the wall and it </span>
  <span>pleases him</span>
  <span>. He doesn’t stop when Marjan begs him to, and his dad doesn’t intervene. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>He has some moments here and there when he wonders if this is all real, but, in general, he feels less. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>He walks up the steps of Carlos’ childhood home confident that it’ll be okay. He can hear loud voices and music coming from the backyard. He knew Carlos’ family would be numerous, but this sounds p</span>
  <span>reposterous. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos must sense h</span>
  <span>e’</span>
  <span>s finding the situation strange, because he says: </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>I haven’t told them you were coming, you know? There’</span><span>s</span><span> still time to back away if you need to”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>He decides he’s brave enough to do this. He threads his fingers with Carlos’ and they walk inside the house – open door, again, totally different from his New York upbringing – hand in hand. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>I</span>
  <span>t’s clear everyone is involved in their own atmospheres, because no one pays them any mind at first, even as they go through the rooms and hallway, where they cross paths with some running kids giggling. They don’t stop to say hi to Carlos, but his boyfriend greets all of them by name. The house is neatly </span>
  <span>put together like TK should expect from the woman that gave birth to Carlos Reyes. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>The decoration is not what he expected – he doesn’t know what he expected, he has to acknowledge that maybe he was biased by his experience with latino representation in movies and TV shows. The walls are all white, which gives an impression of every room being bigger than they are, and the furnishing has a modern minimalist concept to it, with tones of white or light colors, with the exception of the black leather couch. He could almost say he could see Carlos had a finger or two in this, but he didn’t mean to assume. There are some pictures on the walls, but they don’t stop so TK can see them. The only ethnic landmark he spots is a little lord’s table in the corner of the room with candles, pictures of the pope, Jesus, a cross and a Bible. It’s fair, he knew Carlos was brought up in a deeply catholic family. The only lavish decorations – in TK’s opinion – he can see everywhere are plants. There’s several of them, on the living room, on the hallway, even the peak he has at a bathroom in the hallway shows him one in the sink. The hallway is long, with a lot of doors which he supposes are the childhood bedrooms of Carlos and his sisters. No one lives with their mom anymore, living in this huge house by herself must be terrifying, he thinks. He also makes a mental note to see Carlos’ childhood bedroom later, if they get the chance. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>It’s only when they walk into the kitchen that his boyfriend gets recognized and it suddenly feels like it’s real. He’s meeting Carlos’ family. Oh shit. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Lito! I wasn’t sure you’d come!” A middle-aged woman shoots up her eyes as she sees him. Carlos instinctively hides TK behind his body, he was kind of hoping to catch his mother </span><span>i</span><span>n the kitchen first; </span><span>because she insists </span><span>on</span><span> cooking for everyone in these occasions;</span><span> so he could introduce TK calmly. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>When he comes across his older sister Valentina, however, all of his plans are ruined. Carlos loves his family, he does. It’s just that his sisters can be… Rough for someone who’s not used to them. They’re rough on Carlos sometimes and they’ve known each other all their lives. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Growing up as the only male in a household with four women that were older than him and therefore always in a position of power over him was difficult for Carlos. Especially when he came to the US. He never met his father, died before he was born. His sisters did, they had memories in different levels, but Carlos only knew him from pictures. And then he was raised by a working mom of four children who could never make ends meet in the outskirts of a country that had no opportunities for them. In reality, Carlos was effectively more so raised up by his sisters than by his mom. With only women around him, he had no male references growing up, because all of his mom’s family where in the process of emigrating to the US and they never had any contact with their father’s family. The only exception being his uncle Berto, but he didn’t like to remember that man. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Valentina is his older sister, 34, married, three kids. Being the oldest, she was the hardest of them all to deal with. She always thought she was right, was always ready for a fight for any reason; but was also highly affectionate, motherly. She either loved or hated you from the start and the first impression she gets usually sticks with her. She’s definitely not the first person he’d like to introduce TK to. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>In Carlos’ opinion, his oldest sister hit the genetics jackpot, because she was the only one of them who had green eyes, like their mother. She had curly, thick, full hair about to the height of her breasts that, by being a mother </span>
  <span>of three</span>
  <span>, she almost always had tied back in a bun. She was lean and tall – the tallest of them all, up until Carlos got the testosterone boost from his teenage-hood and surpassed her at the age of 17. She had full-round ass which was a trademark of women in their family, latino blood running hot in their veins. Even Carlos got benefited by that, because his ass was also bigger than </span>
  <span>the </span>
  <span>average for men by nature. She had a little of belly fat which was expected after three pregnancies. Her facial features were as hard and abrupt as Carlos’, but she never had the caring and affection her brother constantly wore as demeanor to soften them. Therefore, to those who didn’t know her, she always looked pissed or over it. Which, she usually was. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>She married a lovely guy, Tom, a red-neck Texan cowboy just like Judd. The poor man didn’t stand a chance and was completely under his wife’s thumb at all times. By being the oldest, Valentina started to work really young to support their family. She didn’t get the same opportunities as her younger siblings, being an adult when they came to the US. But it was okay, she was a hard-worker and both her and her husband might not have much education, but they made up for it with effort. Tom worked as a mechanic and Valentina was </span>
  <span>the </span>
  <span>manager at a reputed restaurant downtown. She didn’t get much time off, so their mom usually stays with her kids, which she doesn’t complain about a single bit. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>When TK gets on the tips of his feet to take a peak over his boyfriend’s shoulder, the first thing he </span>
  <span>can associate is the harsh way her eyes crinkle together, just like Carlos’. Her eyes find him instantly and his first instinct is to hide behind Carlos again. She looks pissed at him, for some reason, and they haven’t even said hi to each other yet.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Who’s that?” She demands, always in commando mode. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos takes a deep breath, hopes TK won’t run away from him [again] after this.</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>This… Is TK, my boyfriend” Carlos pulls the firefighter </span><span>to his side. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hi! Nice to meet you” TK offers his hand, even though he has no idea who this person is. Carlos mentions his family every now and then, but he doesn’t dive in too deep because he thinks TK is not interested. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Valentina stares at him for a good half minute, analyzing him. TK doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t retract his hand. He takes her severe look as a challenge. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>I like this one” She finally informs them, as a grin breaks into her face. She surpasses TK’s hand and hugs him, for his surprise, and kisses his cheeks. “I’m Valentina, this </span><span>bobo’s older sister. And you are?”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I’m TK”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, I would’ve know that if this pendejo did what’s right and told us he was seeing someone” She gently slapped her brother in the side of the head.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I can’t tell you anything because you never let me have nice things, Tina. Now, please, back away. I have to find mami” Carlos pulls TK with him once more as he starts making his way into the backyard. TK notices they’re speaking in English only because he’s in the room. All of the chatter TK can hear in the air is in rapid Spanish. He also notices that every member in this family seems to have a nickname.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, but you told uncle Nando, Lito! From all people, I thought you considered me more than that” </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos chuckled and opened the double doors to the backyard, shooting over his shoulder: </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Gonna find mami, see you in a bit” </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Just as TK says:</span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>It was really nice </span><span>meeting</span><span> you!”</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>It is mayhem as expected outdoors: there are more kids running around, but it’s made worse by the fact that there’s a pool in their backyard and some of them are doing elaborate jumps into the water. There are chairs scattered all aroun</span>
  <span>d, the members of the family broken into separate groups, probably by family branch. The men are in their majority only in shorts or bathing suits and TK doesn’t feel pleased to see Carlos’ relatives beer bellies all around him. There’s a grill to his left where a few men are reunited talking and laughing and TK doesn’t need to speak Spanish to know they’re talking about either women, or cars, or sports. Nobody pays them much attention as well, even though TK can see their presence – and mostly their intertwined fingers – makes a few heads turn. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlos’ </span>
  <span>face</span>
  <span> breaks into a grin as he spots his mom, in a table of food to their right, adjusting something in the right way for her guests. She doesn’t see them, her back is turned at them, so Carlos pulls TK with him again in her direction. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Come on, I want you to meet my mom” He turns to his boyfriend, a smile big on his voice and on his face. </span><span>TK suddenly wished he could’ve stopped in front of a mirror to check how he looked. This clearly was a big thing for Carlos, he needed to be at his best. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hi, mami” Carlos hugged hi</span><span>s</span><span> mom from behind and left a lasting, wet kiss on her cheek. It made her giggle. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Oh, you finally-” She cut herself when she saw he was accompanied.</span></p><p class="western">
  <span>TK took in the </span>
  <span>figure of his boyfriend’s mother: she was short, really short. TK wondered how she made such a tall son – Carlos was taller than him and he basked in their size difference, especially when he needed Carlos to go at it a little rough. She had curly, thick hair and like her daughter, it was tied back in a bun. Her hair was all naturally gray. She didn’t have the serious looks or features as Carlos and Valentina. Her face was round and she was overweight, indeed, but in that way one expects grandmothers to be. </span>
  <span>Her eyes are green as well, but not light-green and electric as her older daughter’s, or as fair-colored and lively as TK’s own. The green in her eyes is several darker shades, and it gives off the impression they’re deep, like an ocean to dive in even if you know you might never emerge again. </span>
  <span>She wore a simple flowy blue shirt and </span>
  <span>black </span>
  <span>pa</span>
  <span>n</span>
  <span>ts equally loose on her, with flip-flops and a golden cross in her neck. From what Carlos told him about her, she seemed to have the kind of thinking that she had gone through too much in her life to not be allowed to wear whatever the hell made her comfortable. From the instant she sets her eyes on him, TK feels warm and welcomed already, like being nice is the kind of person she was born to be. Like she likes him already. </span>
  <span>She looks 60-ish to TK. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Who is this?” She turns to him immediately.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yes, Lito, who is this?” Another woman pops up to his left, her face dangerously close to his. She resembles Carlos, but not as strongly as Valentina, her skin is several tones lighter and her hair is long and flat, although TK can say it’s not naturally this way. She has long nails and TK swears she has lips almost in the same shape as his boyfriend. </span><span>It leaves TK confused, is she another sister? A cousin?</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Let him be, Sofía” Yet another woman shows up, this time to his </span><span>right</span><span>, arguing with the first one, equally as close to his face. </span><span>He can’t focus as much on her because there’s too many people on his personal space and he feels like he might get claustrophobic at any moment.</span><span> “You’re gonna scare him away”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Oh, if I didn’t, none of you will” Valentina shows up behind them, hands on her hips like she’s having fun watching TK sweat. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Girls, be off” Carlos’ mother hissed at them and they gesticulated about it, but did as told and stood one foot away from him. “Hi, I’m Carlota Reyes” She offers him a smile and her hands look for his, </span><span>holding them. She keeps eye contact with him at all times and for some reason TK finds it intimidating. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Hi, ma’am, I’m TK. Carlos’ boyfriend” He introduces himself, </span><span>unsure at this point if he’s doing things right. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>She stares at his face for what feels like an awfully long time, and then she pulls him in for a hug. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Call me Carlota, guapo. Oh, I’ve been looking for</span><span>ward to</span><span> meeting you for weeks!” She says against his chest, and over her head he can see the way Carlos stares at him, like he’s spooked too. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>The fact is that there were no secrets – or a way of keeping them – in this family. Armando told everyone immediately when Carlos asked him if he could bring his boyfriend to get to know their farm, which only fended the flame. Carlos had been avoiding them for weeks, trying to run from the interrogatory. Well, here they are. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>T</span>
  <span>heir fuss attracts attention from the entire family and soon enough there’s a commotion around TK like he’s the fucking second coming. He nervously laughs when Carlota finally lets go of him, only for him to be thrown around like a rag doll between the arms of every Reyes available. He learns fast that everyone in this family is a hugger. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>The first ones to get their turn at him are the two women from before. Sofía and Lola, TK comes to find, are Carlos’ other sisters. Sofía is the fair-skinned one with long plain hair. She’s the second oldest and like her older sister, she had to work from an early age. Taking a different approach, Sofía leaned a lot about beauty and hair products. She still didn’t have the opportunity to go to college, but she had her own beauty salon and was pretty happy about it, and well-succeeded in the financial department. She was also married </span>
  <span>at the age of 31,</span>
  <span> but had no kids yet, much to her mother’s dismay. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Next in line was </span>
  <span>Lola, two years older than Carlos himself; she had the chance to go to high school in the US and progress to college. She was also the only one following in the career path of her diploma: Lola was a doctor working her way through residency at the moment. Differently from her siblings, she had no time for romantic entanglements, nor did she care for them. She had a few people with whom she satisfied her natural needs, but other than that, the family had already deemed her as a lost cause, </span>
  <span>a solterona as they said</span>
  <span>. She had long curly hair as well, deep and trained brown eyes that seemed to categorize every detail in TK. Her skin tone was a middle term between Valentina’s, Carlos’ and Carlota’s similar one and Sofía’s. She looked a lot like Sofia too. It was exquisite to observe. Carlos and Valentina matched, Lola and Sofía matched; they all resembled each other and their mother somehow; </span>
  <span>although Lola and Sofía were more obviously close to their mother’s features. TK supposed Carlos and Valentina got that closeness to their late father. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>But then, again, all of the uncles and cousins looked somewhat like Carlos in some level, so TK didn’t think he was being good at differentiating them. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Things take a dark turn when the shirtless, sweaty, beer bellied uncles or whatever the hell they are come around to hug him too. TK swallows it dry in his throat and makes it through the line of men kissing him on both cheeks. Then there’s several men and women who, at this point, he has honestly lost track (and interest) o</span>
  <span>n knowing</span>
  <span> who’s who. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>Carlota takes him by the hand and walks around introducing the kids as well, and he tries to at least remember which ones are Carlos’ nephews. She asks him if he wants anything, a beer, a dive in the pool, something to eat. TK feels dizzy with so much information and gently denies her offers, much to her disappointment, because she thinks TK is too skinny for his own good. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>He finds Carlos, still by the food table, all of his three sisters crowded around him, no doubts getting every piece of information they can. Carlos looks trapped, so TK excuses himself and dives in for the rescue. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>Hey, handsome” He says it in a whisper against Carlos’ neck. “Can we get something to drink?” </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Sure” </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Excuse me, ladies, I might have to borrow your brother for a minute or two”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Dios mio, he’s the cutest thing ever!” Lola squeals in joy, being the most forward of them all. They all nod in agreement. TK can see all of the women in Carlos’ family are </span><span>practically</span><span> vibrating out of their skin in excitement for this development in their brothers’ love life. </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Now, TK could never know what it was like to have siblings, but he knew what his mom and dad were like whenever he got into a new relationship, and especially how they behaved like around Carlos all the time. This people didn’t know him, so they couldn’t know about all of his fuck ups in life and with Carlos. It feels like a clean slate, something he decided he needed when he left New York. But also, he feels guilty for letting Carlos’ family think he’s the dreamy one when in truth, all they were today only is because of Carlos’ effort. </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>He threads their fingers and pulls Carlos inside with him, to the kitchen, where luckily there’s no one else around now. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>So…</span><span> How are you feeling?” TK leaves Carlos at the kitchen counter and heads for the fridge, where he fishes a beer for Carlos and finds a diet coke for himself. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Overwhelmed” Carlos answers, his eyes with that grateful warmth when TK passes him the beer. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Well, they’re your family, you surely knew they were gonna act like this, didn’t you?” TK takes a swing at his drink, a smirk on his lips. He didn’t actually care, although he wanted to leave a good impression because he wanted to do things right with Carlos; but he knew he didn’t have to be the Reyes’ favorite person in the world. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Yeah, I did, it’s just… I haven’t done this in so long, you know?” Carlos looks at his boyfriend exasperated. When TK doesn’t answer, he clarifies: “Introducing a boyfriend to them, I mean”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>Why?” TK gets interested in this. It’s only then he realizes they’ve talked a lot about TK’s past traumas and all the stuff he went through with Alex; but they never mentioned the subject of Carlos’ baggage. He feels like a complete idiot now. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>Haven’t had anyone of true significance for a while. And then there’s also my family, as you can see, I was constantly afraid they’d spook anyone I brought over away”</span></p><p class="western">“<span>And you thought me, from all people, was a good bet to bring to a place where I might get the slightest chance of flipping on you?” TK laughs through his nose.</span></p><p class="western">“<span>I don’t know, we’re past that, aren’t we?” Carlos had uncertainty and vulnerability in his eyes now, like he’s considering better the choice he made. Maybe TK wasn’t ready after all, maybe… </span></p><p class="western">
  <span>Before he can spiral out of control, TK slips a hand behind his neck and brings him in for a kiss. </span>
  <span>Carlos’</span>
  <span> hands move to his boyfriend’s waist on their own, like it’s only natural that they fit together like this. The kiss is not meant to be anything but slow and sweet, reassuring, comforting. Carlos lets TK take the lead, which the firefighter promptly does, determined not to be a douche-bag and ruin </span>
  <span>their tender moment.</span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>When they break apart after a minute, Carlos has that shy smile on him again that makes TK’s heart almost jump out of his chest. </span>
</p><p class="western">“<span>I’m all in, Lito” He says, drawing a laugh out of his boyfriend. “I need you to know this, by now. I might not have been the most reliable person in the past, but I know what I want now. And what I want the most in this world is you. So I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work with you, to be better for you. Even if it means I’ll have to take these awful pills that don’t allow me to cum or to hug your sweaty uncles in a hot day” They’re looking into each other’s eyes and although at some point TK can see Carlos’ eyes filling with tears, at the end he draws up another laugh from him, so he takes it as a win. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>I love you” Carlos takes TK’s face between his hands like his boyfriend in the most precious thing in the world to him a</span><span>nd</span><span> gives him a peck. </span></p><p class="western">“<span>I love you too” TK replies by doing the same, a smile on his lips. “Now, if you don’t mind, I think we can disappear for a couple more minutes without anyone </span><span>noticing</span><span>. I want to know if your old bed squeals” He says, and pulls a laughing Carlos inside the house with him. </span></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can't seem to write small chapters these days, do I?<br/>Please read my other works as well. Thank you. <br/>You can find me at @poshdoll4 on twitter.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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